you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize