I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
