I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
