tell your sister to shave her snatch
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
