I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
