okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
