Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
