i wish my penis had a tongue
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
