I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize