I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
