dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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