its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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