Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
