i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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