I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
