Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
