Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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