If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
