I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You are the jesus of drinking
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
