On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
