So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
