I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
