You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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