No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
