My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
