you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
