You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
