i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
