found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize