That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
