the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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