Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
