If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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