beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I want a musical about memes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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