just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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