Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
