Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
