This is not my ceiling
That's when you crack a 10am beer
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
