I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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