I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So vagazzling was a success
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
