I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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