You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
