I just saw a hot homeless man
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
