I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
