I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
