He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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