I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
