Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize