I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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