he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
dude. I can hear the air.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
