I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she peed on how many people?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
