watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
