Nicole vs. Life
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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