i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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