If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
