she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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