pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dignity is for republicans.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
