he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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