after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
