I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
