Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
