Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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