Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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