hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Too much gin, very little bucket
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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