i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
