her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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