you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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