:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize