It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
