you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How does it feel to date your dad?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
